Two Teaching Stories

#1. My class of comedians was in rare form yesterday.  I'm starting a research unit on the current upheaval in the Mideast, and I wanted to introduce the topic to the whole class yesterday so that we all had a basic foundation of knowledge before they broke away into their groups for the rest of the unit.  This is all to say that I needed a small degree of attention and quiet.  It was clear from the bell that it was going to be a bit of a wrestling match.
Before I share with you my most impressive move, I'd like to say that I did ultimately subdue them, and they ended up completely engrossed in the lesson.  But before that, I articulated this little gem of a direction:
"Guys. I'm not going to tell you a million times to stop talking.  I'm going to...tell you less than a million times.  And on the millionth time...I'm going to ask you to leave."
I was getting a few giggles before I even hit "less than a million times," probably because it was clear I had no idea what I was saying.  One of my very well behaved girls shook her head at me and quietly said: "I really don't understand."
She sounds sweet, but she had a hint o' self satisfied smirk.  Unfortunately, as she was 100% correct, there was nothing I could do but smile, raise my eyebrows and pretend that their little pee brains simply couldn't comprehend the divine wisdom of my words.

#2. I was giving a quiz on source reliability, which was fantastic because I never get to give quizzes.  About ten minutes in, one of my students raised his hand and asked, in a leading tone, "We can make up a website, right?"  "Yes," I answered offhandedly, eyeing a suspicious pocket of students who hadn't studied and looked pretty capable of cheating or charging out of the classroom to pull a fire alarm to avoid failing.  But after a minute of them doing neither, I thought: wait, what? and went over to my desk to pick up a copy of the quiz.  The only question that called for a website was one that asked students to identify an example of a credible source and explain why.  When I got to the student's desk I found him writing "facts.org" and giggling a little to himself.